Internalized Oppression - When Survival Becomes Self Betrayal
It can be hard to understand why someone would uphold a system that harms them. Why would a woman reinforce patriarchal rules? Why would someone from a marginalized group defend the very system that keeps them down? Why would anyone betray their own needs and truth just to stay aligned with power?
The answer is trauma.
Internalized oppression happens when someone from a marginalized or oppressed group adopts the beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors of the dominant group and uses them to maintain or enforce the system — even when it harms them. It isn’t always conscious. Often, it’s survival.
Sometimes this looks extreme, like Stockholm Syndrome in captivity or abuse, when aligning with power feels like the safest option. Other times it looks subtle: a woman shaming another woman for being “too loud.” A survivor silencing herself rather than disrupt her family. A community member criticizing those who resist oppression because resistance feels too dangerous.
This is trauma showing up in loyalty to systems that never kept us safe.
The fawn response is often at the core — the survival pattern of appeasing and pleasing to avoid danger. For some, fawning becomes an identity: agreeable, helpful, compliant, aligning with those in power because it feels safer than standing alone. But the cost is high: disconnection from truth, silence of voice, betrayal of self.
Internalized oppression is especially visible in patriarchy. Many women were taught men are “natural leaders,” women are “too emotional,” or that if a woman was assaulted, she “must’ve done something to deserve it.” Some enforce these beliefs, shaming those who resist or aligning with abusive men. It is painful to witness, but it’s trauma in action — the nervous system saying, “If I side with power, I’ll be safer.” Yet the truth is, this doesn’t keep you safe. It keeps you stuck.
When we uphold systems that harm us, we repeat the trauma — not only for ourselves, but for others. A woman silences her daughter’s truth because hers was silenced. A survivor judges another survivor to distance from her own pain. A community member criticizes those who speak out because silence feels safer.
This cycle isn’t about weakness or ignorance. It is about survival. But survival doesn’t have to be the end of the story. Healing means noticing when we betray ourselves. It means recognizing the patterns of self-silencing and choosing honesty over appeasement. It means daring to release loyalty to systems that never deserved our loyalty in the first place.
The horses and I know this work. Horses don’t play by human power structures. They don’t care about performance, compliance, or hierarchy. They respond to authenticity. They sense the truth beneath the mask. And when you stand with them as your real self, you learn something your nervous system forgot: you don’t have to betray yourself to be safe.
If you’ve upheld systems that harmed you — if you’ve betrayed your truth, silenced your voice, or aligned with power at your own expense — hear me clearly: you are not broken. You were surviving. But now, you get to live differently. You get to reclaim your voice, your truth, your power. You were never meant to live as an echo of oppression. You were meant to live free.
Huge Love,
Jennifer Malocha